One of the most essential elements of loving others is caring about what they care about. We cannot really love someone if we do not care about the things which are important to them.
Conversely it is also avoiding things which upset them. If we have a friend where something of little or no importance upsets them we cannot love them if we bring it up.
You see this is what it means to love others as we love ourselves. We care about the things we care about very deeply. Love to others entails caring about what those people care about.
We cannot always get deeply excited about what others enjoy. If a friend loves to fish and I do not then I may not be able to connect on that topic well. But it is the spirit of love to care about what others care about within reason.
At the very least we should not act as if the interests of others are inferior or pointless. You see there are many things which interest others that do not interest us simply because we are different.
Some people like this piece of music and some people do not. Some people prefer certain types of food and some do not. In the realm of preference love should at a minimum accept that certain interests of others that we see no point in are simply a difference in preference.
Often we see people make absolute statements about preference and actually think they are saying something absolutely true. This is against the spirit of love. It is also somewhat irrational to think our preferences toward non ethical issues in some way are absolute or more valid than others' preferences to the same non ethical things.
Showing posts with label friend. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friend. Show all posts
Friday, May 30, 2014
Thursday, May 22, 2014
How To Help a Friend in Need
Post by
Michelle Dowell, Contributor
"Given your experience with cancer, what do you say to a friend who's struggling with cancer?" a women in a Bible study group asked one night.
All the women listened quietly for the answer, interested in finding a trick, the perfect words, to help a person through times feel better.
The cancer survivor paused, thinking about it.
"Nothing, really," she said. "It's mostly about being there with that person."
Most of the women didn't expect that answer and some asked her for more, really wanting a phrase or a saying to erase pain. But that was all she said, repeated in a different form.
It's tempting to think there's some saying or series of questions that will help someone in a time of need. Sometimes words can be encouraging--but words that are encouraging or helpful are not stock questions or stock sayings, they need to come out of knowing the person and what might help them.
Sometimes people don't realize that focusing so much on negative things doesn't help. Asking "How are you doing with that cancer?" every time you see that person isn't necessarily helpful. It reminds them of the pain and may seem like you expect it to be difficult every single day and second, when at times that person may feel hope and peace. Taking a break from thinking about a painful situation helps.
This applies to all sorts of times of need for friends. It could be job-related, relationship-related, finance-related, spiritually-related, etc.
People might argue that it's showing empathy and concern to ask these questions or sayings addressing the hardship and therefore it's good. But the Bible tells us to think of positive things. Even though these are questions that are often asked, they are thinking on and encouraging others to think on negative, not lovely, things.
There is a place for those questions and sayings, and a place to weep with those who weep, but wisdom and knowing the friend well will help dictate it. It's not helpful to just say things because you feel like that's what culture tells you to ask or say. People aren't formula, so words to them shouldn't be either.
So, as this woman mentioned, most of the time just being with the person is the most helpful and most important. Doing things with them and learning what they are doing that they enjoy and being happy for any good things in their life and sharing your life or information about common interests helps.
Michelle Dowell, Contributor
"Given your experience with cancer, what do you say to a friend who's struggling with cancer?" a women in a Bible study group asked one night.
All the women listened quietly for the answer, interested in finding a trick, the perfect words, to help a person through times feel better.
The cancer survivor paused, thinking about it.
"Nothing, really," she said. "It's mostly about being there with that person."
Most of the women didn't expect that answer and some asked her for more, really wanting a phrase or a saying to erase pain. But that was all she said, repeated in a different form.
It's tempting to think there's some saying or series of questions that will help someone in a time of need. Sometimes words can be encouraging--but words that are encouraging or helpful are not stock questions or stock sayings, they need to come out of knowing the person and what might help them.
Sometimes people don't realize that focusing so much on negative things doesn't help. Asking "How are you doing with that cancer?" every time you see that person isn't necessarily helpful. It reminds them of the pain and may seem like you expect it to be difficult every single day and second, when at times that person may feel hope and peace. Taking a break from thinking about a painful situation helps.
This applies to all sorts of times of need for friends. It could be job-related, relationship-related, finance-related, spiritually-related, etc.
People might argue that it's showing empathy and concern to ask these questions or sayings addressing the hardship and therefore it's good. But the Bible tells us to think of positive things. Even though these are questions that are often asked, they are thinking on and encouraging others to think on negative, not lovely, things.
There is a place for those questions and sayings, and a place to weep with those who weep, but wisdom and knowing the friend well will help dictate it. It's not helpful to just say things because you feel like that's what culture tells you to ask or say. People aren't formula, so words to them shouldn't be either.
So, as this woman mentioned, most of the time just being with the person is the most helpful and most important. Doing things with them and learning what they are doing that they enjoy and being happy for any good things in their life and sharing your life or information about common interests helps.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)