Setting Expectations for Marriage

By Michelle Dowell
Secondary Contributor

Long before the wedding bells ring, some engaged couples are being told to expect suffering and hard times. Priests, pastors, or other church staff sometimes warn that marriage isn't easy--in fact it's difficult, they say. Sometimes they remind the couple over and over again to not expect too much.

For these counseled couples, a delightful surprise comes when they're married and sense that it's a sense of joy, not suffering, that their marriage brings to their lives.

Some might argue that it won't always be that way, that over the years people change or love changes and the marriage will therefore cause suffering, but that's more likely rare for true Christian couples who have a Christ-like love for one another. A spouse may get sick, but even then, there's beauty in truly loving a spouse and being loved.

The Bible says that marriage is a blessing. That's why there is hope and joy for marriage. As much as a church may want to warn couples that marriage can be full of suffering, the wedding ceremony often is recognized as a celebration, a cause of joy.

A Theology of Trust

Trust plays an important part in our decisions in life. We go to the doctor and trust that he knows what he says.

In each aspect of life we know there are those who know what they are saying and seek there guidance on different topics. To do so is human we are not experts in all things.

There is a need for trust in theology and religion as well. You see we do not have all the answers. The bible contains the answers but we cannot find our way through.

Luckily God has not left us alone we are not on an island alone with the bible to pluck the answers out ourselves. We have many great thinkers who have explained truth and hopefully brought clarification to biblical truth.

Hopefully we know wise Christians around us and there are many within our church. To not know is not an issue. To not know and be proud is an issue.

There are of course any errors within the church were authority is claimed and unquestioned. You see all wise counsel must be tested.

Many wise leaders in the bible have records of bad behavior and bad advice at times. So all advice must be tested, but the point is that there are wise people who give good advice.

Scripture advises us to seek wise counsel. The whole point of wise counsel is that often we can learn how to live or be shown things we cannot see ourselves.

Of course we must always test wisdom by scripture. The final test is scripture.

An easy test is to find a counter example in scripture and see if the wisdom has absoluteness. If someone makes the claim that God wishes his followers to have wealth can we find a counter example? Of course Jesus himself had no wealth and told his disciples to take nothing with them wherever they went.

You see the twelve apostles are a counter example to the health and wealth gospel they are blessed by God by not by wealth and thus wealth is not an absolute sign of God's blessing.

Some might say that an ascetic life of poverty is what we are called to. Can we counter this? Of course because Paul criticized those who did not wish to work. The bible says that we should attempt to make enough to share with those in need.

The church in a number of cities was supported by wealthy women none of whom were condemned for their wealth. The bible blessed Job with great wealth and he was more righteous than all men. God took all the wealth away and he was still more righteous. Then God gave all the wealth back and his status did not change.

You see wealth is no indication of standing before God.