Raising Children

Raising children requires a delicate balance. There are two major errors for parents to avoid.

The first is under raising children. Children in many families are given far too much freedom and far to little wisdom or guidance.

The other error which is more common in the church is over raising children. Parents vastly overestimate their abilities and influence and over control their children.

You see parents wanting a say on every aspect of their children's lives well past the point when input is helpful on certain topics. Parents usually justify such actions saying things like, "as a parent giving advice is my right."

The reality is the issue is not if or if not the parents have a right to always give children unsolicited advice. We have the right to make many poor decisions.

The question is should a parent in general more and more step back from advice giving to their children as their children get older? The answer I believe is clearly, yes.

Many parents destroy or greatly damage their relationship with their older children by refusing to accept them as emerging adults or current adults. As their children start careers and raise their own children parents often refuse to take a back seat.

It is an irony because often many years ago the parents themselves had felt great frustration and tension with their parents who refused to step back. Now they do the same thing and justify their actions as that they know better now and wish to help their children.

Of course the reality is they repeat the error their parents made and use wisdom as an excuse. True wisdom is understanding that children become adults and children who are adults are not clones of their parents.

They have their own ideas on certain issues and reasons for those beliefs. Parents who do not pull back on unsolicited advice to their adult children do not help their children. They simply disrespect their adult children on topics there is disagreement on.